Coming Out

I was only nine years old when I realized I was different. I remember when I first told this to my parents, and to this today, remarkably, they have probably been the most accepting of anyone I’ve since told. Luckily for me, this was one part of who I am that they've always seemed to accept... as is. It's been an interesting journey so far, and with every new person I meet, I am able to profess my identity with more confidence, more knowledge, and an even stronger sense of self.

Today I want to talk about coming out...
...As a Vegetarian/Vegan/Vegetable Enthusiast/(insert your dietary restriction here).

‘Cause sometimes it just aint easy.

You are no longer just a dinner guest. No longer just a neighbour who kind of maybe accidently invited themselves over for dinner (guilty).

Suddenly, you soon realize, your friends start looking at you differently.

Now, you are a cog in the machine. You may just (now brace yourself) need a little accommodating.



Personally, my most hilarious coming out stories (heeheehee) have all happened after-the-fact:

For example, one Easter, many, many years ago, I found myself sitting in the pristine dining room of a new friend –let’s call her JP–‘s house. I’m sitting at the dinner table, working my way through some unintimidating small talk with her siblings and father, when JP’s mother makes her grand-entrance with the turkey she has been slaving away on all day, and exclaims to me, “Now just don’t tell me you’re a vegetarian!” and has a good chuckle with the rest of the fam. I look over at dear JP as a look of sheer mortification spreads across her face. Obviously, she had forgot to mention this to her parents when they so graciously told her she could bring a friend to Easter dinner, and she so foolishly chose me. Oops.

What non-veggies often forget is that this is as embarrassing for us as it seems to be for them. I felt awful! And as much as I tried to insist that the salad and green bean casserole (that I had brought) would be plenty for me, it was clear that there really wasn’t much that could be done about me. For most Veggies, it's not the sort of thing you can just 'forget about' for a night, and thus, awkwardness and minimalism quickly become familiar territory.

Since then (actually, this took me a couple years to learn…), I’ve discovered that the best way to avoid unintentionally making non-veggies feel like assholes is to insist on bringing a main dish to family dinners/potlucks/holidays/etc. Side dishes are often already veggie-friendly, and if your hosts know that you have a veggie ‘main course’, they’re likely to go easy on the “are you sure that’s enough? I think I have a pizza in the freezer I could pop into the oven” banter (read: embarrassing).

Believe it or not, Veggies across the globe don’t actually meet weekly to construct detailed and in-depth plans to inconvenience non-Veggies to the best of their abilities.



Obviously it’s important that the people you love know your dirty little secret. But in a culture where food fills not only our plates, but also our social lives, it’s understandable that willfully taking on a sort of minority status is a daunting endeavour.

In the immortal words of About.com,

Coming out is a confusing time for many people. Accepting your [vegetarianism] (or coming out to yourself) can bring about a number of fears. Will your family or friends stop loving you? Will you ever get married or have children? Will you be discriminated against or made fun of? These are all valid concerns mainly rooted in the fear of the unknown; which is why many reference coming out as being reborn. This is an opportunity for you to look introspectively and re-evaluate who you are and who you want to be.

With this in mind, I give you…

My Very Own Guide to Coming Out. As a Vegetarian.

1. Mentally prepare. There might be some people, and you may or may not already know who they are, who are veggiephobic. You’ve likely heard them mumble a snarky remark or two under their breath –and hey, you might have even encouraged such a comment at the time – but keep in mind that if they are actually your friend or loved one, they won’t care what you put in your mouth.

2. Understand that you don’t have to come out to everyone at once. What goes on in your kitchen is your business, and yours alone –and your decision to share this part of yourself with others is just that: YOURS. If you want to bring a vegetarian dish to a potluck with friends who don’t know about your vegetarianism, feel free to call it ‘just a friend’ for as long as you need before you feel comfortable enough to tell them the truth: you would actually really like to eat that friend.

3. Be honest with yourself throughout this process. Although it may feel silly at first, try writing a list documenting any feelings of resentment, anger, guilt, shame, or confusion that might be floating around in your mind in regards to your vegetarianism. And don’t be afraid to repeat this exercise if ever the doubts and fears resurface. For example, mine might look like this:

-What if my friends think it’s just a phase? Or just another aspect of the pigeonholed alternative identity which enables me to so carelessly wear scarves, knit, sip copious amounts of tea, and spend my summers working in cafes and blogging about this very lifestyle?
-Will people be able to tell just from looking at me?
-Does anyone already know…? Am I the last person to realize that this is what I am by nature?

4. Be proud of your identity. Don’t let anyone tell you what you can and can’t eat. Don’t apologize for who you are, as this will only reinforce the veggiephobic beliefs that exist in our society. Hold your head up high, and stuff your face with textured soy protein (if that is what you want to do). You may not have been Born This Way, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t who you are.

You are eventually going to have to come out to everyone you choose to let into your personal life. Some people might hear that you're a vegetarian by word of mouth, or read it in your Facebook profile if you choose to put it there. Every veggie has a coming out story –most veggies have several! It doesn’t matter how you go about it, so long as you don’t lose sight of the fact that you are being true to yourself, and that alone should give you the PRIDE you need to wear your heart on your sleeve.

Closets are for clothes, friends.